Mr Lincoln's budget reply - better than Swan and Turnbull

It is nearly one week now after the opposition leader Mr Malcolm Turnbull’ reply to the Budget and nearly nine days after the Treasurer Mr Wayne Swan delivered his Budget 09, both at the house chamber of the federal parliament house. Let me now mock up another budget reply, Mr Lincoln’s reply to Swan Budget 09, the third way. It is shorter and more to the point than that of Turnbull’s and read as the following.

Mr Speaker, we have all heard the Treasurer’s 09 budget speech as well as the opposition leader’s reply to it. Both had high pitches and were delivered with a lot of fanfares. To their great credit, they were not completely worthless, I should say, but they were really only of little value, I’m afraid to say, Mr Speaker.

Some of the members in this chamber, Mr Speaker, got quite excited either by the Treasurer or by the opposition leader in the short distance of two days, those two days of last week, an unforgettable week they might say to themselves in private and in whispering.

However, Mr Speaker, however, if you look at the response from the public, the public Mr Speaker, or hear from them, you will certainly, I stress the word certainly, know that they were far less than impressed by the performance of both of our members, Mr Speaker, both of them.

They have been a little disorderly and may be rude to our members, Mr Speak. So much so that I wasn’t sure until a minute ago, only a minute ago, Mr Speaker that I should report this to you and the chamber. I finally thought that for the benefit of information to you and to the members of the chamber, Mr Speaker that I decided to say so as it happened, Mr Speaker. Because, as you know Mr Speaker, as you know that they or maybe the members of this chamber may resort to the nasty FOI, FOI, I have to say Mr Speaker. I really felt that it was in a place between hard and rock, very uncomfortable, Mr Speaker, that very few would be happy to be there.

The Honourable Treasurer, they say, and the honourable PM, and his government have failed them, failed them, Mr Speaker. That is what they say, Mr Speaker. They say that they have spent but wasted a week, a whole damn week, to find the centre piece of the budget that the honourable Treasurer said time and time again during his budget speech. They say they simply couldn’t fine it, no centre, and no piece either. That is what they say, Mr Speaker. They say they could find the nation building centre piece, the damn centre piece. Instead, what they have found is that hundreds and hundreds of billions debts, government debts that is. But I feel a little glad that they have been shocked by that finding and are still in a shocking state, a shocking state, Mr Speaker. That seems a revenge on our behalf, on our behalf. That is a relief for us, I must say, Mr Speaker that is a relief for us. I don’t think they will recover any time soon, any time soon to be rude to us again, not in a short while, Mr Speaker. So we can all stay easy for that while, for that while.

They are not only rude to our government, our great government, Mr Speaker, they are also showing disrespect to our leader of the opposition, the leader of the opposition, and his little team of mates, Mr Speaker. They say our opposition has been incompetent to tear apart the Treasurer’s budget. Very disrespect, Mr Speaker, very and very disrespect to our opposition team mates. But that is what they say, I am afraid again to report, Mr Speaker. They say they waited the whole damn two days to listen to the leader of the opposition, listen to his speech, his reply that is Mr Speaker. What they say? They say the bloody leader of the opposition, the bloody opposition leader had an issue with health and asked the government to swap something with cigarettes, with cigarettes, Mr Speaker, at a magnitude of $1.9 billion. That is the amount to cure a health issue, a health issue, Mr Speaker that is what they say. They say that is too bloody expensive, Mr Speaker, too expensive.

Mr Speaker, their disrespect doesn’t, that is, doesn’t stop there, I am afraid. During a secret trip to gather some information on them, I overheard that they say they can make a better budget, a better budget than our Treasurer’s. As you can see, Mr Speaker, they are so boasting, so boasting and disrespect.

Mr Speaker, now let me say what their nasty alternative budget looks like. It is smaller, definitely smaller than our Honourable Treasurer’s, in terms of budget deficit hole. You see, Mr Speaker, theirs is a poor one, an inferior one than ours, that is for sure. How can it be better, how can it be better if they will have a smaller budget deficit hole? But they say they feel more comfortable to stay in a smaller hole, Mr Speaker. What a bunch of idiots they are, Mr Speaker.

I spent some time before I came to this chamber, Mr Speaker, to this great chamber of ours, to identify how they makes a smaller hole to the budget, a smaller hole, that is. It became clear to me finally, finally Mr Speaker, that they say they don’t need our tax reduction, the tax reduction for them. They say that is some billions smaller a hole that the Treasurer’s. Then they say those pensioners would be happy even with half of the rise we have given them. That is what those idiots say Mr Speaker. They say that is further billions of dollars smaller that they will be happy to stay in. Have I got right, billions of dollars smaller. I t looks like I also got the same problem, the same problem as our Honourable PM and the Honourable Treasurer, as them in speaking out in terms of billions, Mr Speaker. I don’t know why, don’t know why, I can’t simply say that, that bloody little billions of dollars, Mr Speaker. That is little mystery, a mystery indeed

As you can see, Mr Speak, as you can see, they don’t know how to make themselves happier with a large hole to stay. They instead prefer a smaller one, a quite smaller one. That is why and that is why we, the members of this great chamber, the greatest chamber in the world, have to do our best to make the budget deficit hole larger, much larger for them to stay and live in with, just for their comfort, for their own sake, Mr Speaker. WE all have a great responsibility, a great responsibility to achieve that. Only that, only that, Mr Speaker, can show how capable we are to manage their affairs for them, and how great we are, and much greater than them, Mr Speaker. That is the whole point of my report to you, Mr Speaker, the whole point. I didn’t waste any time, I just didn’t. But if I did, who cares, we are paid to do that, just to do that, Mr Speaker. That is our job, our job.

But please wait, please Mr Speaker, they say their two bloody little measures can show they can make hard, tough decisions and leave less debts to future generations. You see, Mr Speaker, they are clearly confused themselves, they are confused. How can that be good to leave a smaller debt to future generations can be good, or better than ours, that is, both of our offers. Mr Speaker, they are confused, deeply confused. In their confused state, they want to reduce or diminish our greater legacy, that is our greater debt legacy. What an evil idea that is!

Now I can rest my case. Now I can do that, Mr Speaker, can’t I? Am I paid enough to do this, Mr Speaker? That is my concern, part of my great job, you may say.